Hi mama, it’s almost 11pm and I cant sleep because a lot has
been running through my mind lately. Mga 1 month na siguro? This is not
supposed to be new to you. Hehe since ive been very vocal about my yamot
moments that actually turned into serious anger and envy. It would never be
right and fair to be this selfish but let me be such, todo and legit, ngayon at
ngayon na lang promise. Hehe
You are my favorite person. Favorite as in favorite. You are
the first person id like to tell about everything. As in lahat. The first
person id consider sa lahat ng gagawin ko or plano kong gawin. I’d always
choose you. Over anyone, under any circumtances You are my number one. I could
even say id readily take a bullet for you. I feel like maybe in the past life
we were real sisters. I feel like we have a connection. I love you so dearly
and I pray everytime that He grants you everything you need before you even ask
for them.
But I got so tired of feeling unappreciated, devalued and
taken forgranted. I keep fighting the battle of thinking I’m special or I have
a place in your life, and I feel like I keep losing every day. I m tired of
competing against every one to be close or keep close to you. It drains me
thinking I’m nothing but a junior to you. I keep on praying n asana bukas wala
na akong pakialam. Sayo at sa lahat. Na sana wala na kong nararamdaman. Na kung
masaya ka naman with other people edi dun ka na lang. I m so tired feeling
everything and crying everything out. Im so tired of being taken for granted. I
m so tired of being unappreciated or not enough.
I cant share this to everyone because I ashamed of how I
feel. And what made me feel this way. There are days when I would message you
but youre too tired to even join the conversation. Pero dati hindi. I feel like somehow I cant do you any good. I
feel like im no longer the anak that I used to be in your life. Ngayon I feel like a responsibility to you. Parang
ang hirap kong i-own. I feel like I’m a burden when I used to be a blessing.
Ang bilis lang nagbago ng role ko sa buhay mo because someone better came
along. Don’t I have anything left to offer kaya ganon? Am I not enough? Are
they better? Im so tired of waiting til youre free. Im so tired of competing
and giving everything I have and still feel guilty of demanding for time from
you. Ambigat kasi. Parang wala kang pakialam. Ang hirap kasi feel ko Im nothing
to you. Kunsabagay, what is 4-5 months of friendship? Or is this even
friendship to begin with? Baka sakin lang special to e.
Pero ikaw pa din ang favorite ko. Hehe is this a blessing or
a curse? Syempre curse. Joke hehe di ko alam paano tatapusin e pero sana there
comes a time when we’d grow closer and
have a better and deeper friendship. Yung same level tayo. Same boat. Ngayon
kasi parang di tayo same boat, or worse, di pa yata same waters. E nakakapagod
ka habulin. Or baka ayaw mo pahabol? Pag naabutan kita either you’ll change
direction or hold other people’s hand. Nakakainggit. And nakakalungkot. Paulit
ulit. Nakakaubos.
Sana bukas with the virtue of miracle, biglang Im special to
you. Sana may pakialam ka na, sana you would show me you care. And show them im
your only anak. Sana you would assure me. Sana you would make me feel like ako
din favorite mo. And sana together with my other sana’s I can still be the
same.
thank you Mama, my favourite person ever. hehe
