HOW DO I UNLOVE YOU

it has been the longest 10 months of my life when I've always been torn between enjoying the moment I am with you and wishing time run faster to the day when I have to bid my goodbye to you and finally start anew. It has been both heartbreaking and relieving to realize how short our time is left until the end of this journey. You had been my rock, my strength in times when I cannot seem to last a duty, my life saver during unguarded moments and my best friend. I wish you were my soulmate too. You just know when to pop out, like you hear  me calling everytime I need you. Your genuine kindness, generosity and care make it so hard for me to hate you. And with all those days that we would eat together, save each other's assess from getting demerits and endless arguments regarding our differences, I fell in love along the way. I was unsure, clueless and confused until it hit me...I fell in love with my best friend. And I know that this is not the fairytale-like or storybook-ish version of girl falling in love with her best friend. This is one-sided. Unrequited. Reality.

People have been saying a lot about you...about us. And I never got tired of denying until the day when things just can't be hidden or denied or masked. My actions became too obvious that I have to excuse myself each time I would want to scold myself for being too transparent of my kilig and even jealousy. Looking back, I can't exactly remember how I was able to pull off that 'I don't care' face everytime people would tease me or us, with you around. It was nerve-wracking everytime I had to hide my giddiness in the simplest of your actions. I almost come to a point where I desperately wanted to tell you how I feel. But I would ruin everything. I would loose everything. I cannot risk our friendship. I cannot risk you.

Now tell me. How do I unlove you.

How do I not think of the times you give me breakfast every morning?
How do I not think of you whenever I go on duty, having nothing to do or no-one to talk to
How do I not think of you everyday and every night

You have been the best part of this chapter. You taught me a lot about life and about myself.
I have been better because of you. I learned how to be independent. I learned how to be selfless. I learned how to love, genuinely without expecting anything in return, to love despite having my heart broken too many times, that I forget how to get hurt. I have learned to love you even more when you keep on breaking my heart, me. I had no idea I was capable of loving that much. Even I, was in awe.

 I have learned to take risks and not be afraid of the consequences. I have become fearless. I've known myself better because of you. I have trust myself more because you trust me. I learned to believe in my capabilities because you keep on reminding me of the things I can do. You believe in me so much that I learned to believe in myself. I have become better because of you. And with that, I have become grateful. Thank you.

And same with all the stories we heard, we have come to our final moment.
This has been such a great year.
You have been an amazing part of my MedSchool, the best part rather.

You have been a great lesson.
A humbling experience.

My sweetest downfall.