weird

I woke up a few hours earlier than my supposed alarm, which is weird. It's actually the second or third time since it started happening to me last week. (di 'to horror, but pwede din since natatakot na'ko) The even weirder thing is that, I wake up between 2-3am,  thinking about the same person. Wait, I know this, but no, wait I don't think I'm ready. wait....uhm, like no, this can't be happening now. I've gone through this and passed by it years ago, and I'm fully well....uhm, until now. This ain't suppose to be happening. Like, wait, I don't want to jump into conclusions or let my pessimist self prevail, but I really do feel like this won't lead to anything pleasant or any sort of you know, mutual something. I can't even believe I let myself get into this again.  (Ano ba, Rhea May!!) And, I didn't see this coming like, 'Hey it was just a fine day!' yesterday and suddenly I woke up realizing that I've been thinking a lot about this PLAIN HUMAN BEING lately. And hell, it makes me crazy. Like, srsly. It's like my heart's exploding anytime by now with just a single thought of him. Sobrang weird like as in over and beyond my control. I used to believe I'm a calm and composed person when it comes to controlling my feelings, but how in the world did I not see this coming? Can you feel my frustration and disappointment with myself?! Alam mo yon! Unang una, sayang yung tulog ko, sayang sa oras, nakakawala ng composure, nakakakaba, nakakabaliw, nakakatulala, I can't function well, bigla na lang akong mapapasmile for no apparent reason, muka akong baliw, nakakawala ng pagka-madam. I don't think being this attracted and feeling all the butterflies and being mushy and all don't suit me. Feel ko di bagay sakin yung ganitong kilig kilig of my own story. like, yuck. "Rhea May, umayos ka nga!" I kept scolding myself since 2am this morning. And for some weird reason, di ko mapigilan talaga----the smile, goosebumps, the shrills. oh my gosh the kilig, like "sana kainin muna ko ng lupa," but still, another thought of him, and then smile plus kilig (additional factor pa yung musical scoring by Spotify which is Angel of Mine) and please, last na to... RHEA MAY, UMAYOS KA! MAG EEXAM KA PA! *sabunot sa sarili* #tamanapls