girl of the hour ❤

to one of the toughest woman i know, 

hiiii vivi gerl! happy birthday! i know that you're having quite a hard time now (medyo alammo yan nang very very light) but let me tell you how great your transition has been and how amazing you have become. 

remember the past 4 years when you were struggling to pass all your upcoming quizzes, practicals and major exams? when you were up until sunrise just to finish the report for your laboratory experiment? when you had to spend your breaks for reviews for the next period? the busy schedule plus the demanding friends, plus lovelife and break up all at the same time!  those things you did just to be where you are now? oh well, you're having them again, more and worse :) despite that, you accomplished everything successfully.  you are one hell of a great achiever vivi :) you were struggling to pass, but you have received more than passing remarks, and you freaking deserve it. :) 

have i told you how proud i am of you? ay oo. palagi yata. hihi and with matching teary eyes pa. lol. yeah, but those are just plain 'congrats baby girl' so, here. God knows how proud I am of you and how great my dreams for you are. just so for you to stop thinking that nobody appreciate all the hard works you do. lol. kidding. pero isa na yon sa mga rason. hahaha :D i believe in every thing that you can do and in all your potentials, kaya please naman, have faith on yourself. kung ganyan ako kaganda at kasipag at katalino at lahat na, i would definitely have no time to entertain insecurities or other negativities that occupy my head. how many times do i have to tell you that YOU are AMAZING woman that it is definitely other people's loss if they choose to give up on you? uso magising uy! hihi hashtag patawad ✌

i want you to realize how blessed you have become, not only for those material things and recognitions you acquired, but also for the "EXTRAORDINARY" experiences that you have gone through. diba? naiisip mona? there were lots of things na napag daanan mo, but they didn't kill you, they made you stronger. sabi nga sa kanta, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. lol maisingit lang. (btw, im watching conjuring at this moment) and i believe, you are strong. and you too, you have to believe that you are. para naman malampasan mo yan. hihi lammoyan 

remember how i keep on telling you to let things happen naturally? to allow yourself to feel everything at its own course of time? remember how i keep on arguing with you and your issues? how we (mabel and i) battled to fight that 'stubborn kid' inside you? hihi remember how you keep on pushing and fighting for your reasons but ending up retracting and losing the argument because you admit that you were not able to think for other's behalf? that is how strong your personality is. that is how experiences knock you. and we've all seen that.  

we were all witnesses of your hard works, pain and sacrifices. may it be for your academics, family, friends or ex. lol patawad. sink in na ba? hihi patawad ulit. :) you have gone through a alot and i want you to know that there are more in store for you. haha oo, alam ko, ako ang nagdidikta ng tadhana mo. kidding.  remember, you have US. you may lose SOME people along the way, but that would mean another free space for someone better to come along. believe that life has a lot more to give you that would help you become the person they never thought you would be. you yourself may not be able see how things would work, but i tell you, they'll be fine. keep on reminding yourself of your worth, so you don't settle for less than what you deserve.  you've been through this. alam mo yan. and this one is the same thing. this just came in a different approach, having different reason. but definitely needs the same adjustments. baka itanong mo na naman kung anong mali mo ha? or kung anong kulang mo? lol. wala. naattach ka lang. you hoped, you loved. and that babygirl, i tell you is never wrong. you don't stop yourself from loving and caring for people who were once part of your life. you don't turn that love into hate either. you keep on wishing them well and yourself better. hirap no? but that is how it really is.

for how many years have life been so challenging for your emotions? it keeps on knocking you on your core. on your weakest point. siguro nga it's about time that you accept na hindi ka mahal ng diyos. lol joke. it just means to say na kaya mo. :) and one reason siguro is that hindi ka pa din naniniwala na you are worthy of something better. there is something better.  have you read that once? that sometimes people can not let go because they don't believe that something good can happen twice. di man exact, pero parang ganyan din. haha i know how hard it is to let go of the things you're used to. to hope for that one thing for a long time, just to find out that it was an empty promise. sakit no? but that happens. people hurt people. intentionally or not. and the one's that are hurt suffer from the pain and heal by themselves alone. and you, my dear, is going through such right now. (yung totoo, paulit ulit ko tong binabanggit) patawad. you have to heal by yourself alone. kaya mo yan. believe that you can, and your half way there. that's a cliche but i know you know that's true. 

letting go, and moving on is no new to you. but, acceptance, letting go and moving on with a light heart is completely a different story. i know. you might be blinded by the tears and pain that you are suffering from right now, but remember, it is not always you alone. there are always 2 sides of a coin.  you know your story very well, but you have no idea how the other side has come up with his own. don't let pain get the best in you. don't let yourself see through the negative traits in people. there are still great memories to keep. it was a good experience after all. when hate starts to creep up on you, remind yourself that you can do better. and you are better than that. it's hard but once you start doing it, the next steps wouldn't hurt. 

allow yourself to fully embrace life and its gifts to you alone. to explore things and reach wider horizons. allow life to be cruel, for it would shape you into a better you. allow experiences of heartbreaks to knock you on your core for it would make you stronger and wiser. allow experiences

 to change you in a good way. people keep on coming and just leaving. let them. you have a life

 of your own, live it. people would hurt you, so bad that you may not forget, but forgive them anyway. not everyone can understand you, but that doesn't mean that there's no one. you always have me. us. 

cry when your heart can no longer hold its strings together. laugh at life's ridiculousness. love when love comes. feel every emotion freely and fully, without having to skip a step in recovery. free yourself from hurt and pain. allow time to heal you. believe me, allow it and it would :) 

i can't say anything more to you. i've known you for almost a decade and you never fail to humor me and inspire me at the same time. you are mature and immature in your own ways and i admire you for  that.  you can always have that intelligence and wit work at the same time. one thing that i would never get tired of admiring. :) always know that no matter what happens, may you fail or succeed, be in love and in pain, pass exams or not, or be feel unappreciated or overwhelmed, you'll always have that one fangirl sister ready to support you in any means, at all levels. ❤ that's how great our friendship is. 

so, let me thank you this time for all the things you have given me, may it be material things or time especially, for the advises and remarks, for the support and love and care and concern that sometimes really makes me want to believe how amazing life is despite the struggles that i have. thank you for being with me in all my ups and downs, may you know it or not. i may have not told you how grateful i am to have you in my life, knowing that you are a text away or a tweet away when i need you. hihi salamatsssss phowzzz :) 

i wish you all the best in life! and may your journey along the 20's road be fruitful and worthy for keeps. *wink* i wish for more people to inspire you to do better and bring out the best in you. i wish you all the time in the world to heal and make you realize your worth. i wish you to feel all the love that you deserve more than the love that you lost. and lastly, i wish you more wisdom to shape you to become a more mature (haha patawad) and well rounded person. hihi dont get me wrong, ill never

 get tired of dealing with you and your issues. hahaha im used to it! :) i appreciate those more, rather than you not telling me anything at all. :) so thank you for being open and for the trust. i hope you don't get tired of sharing. we'll never get tired of listening. that is an oath. :) hihi 

you have gone through a lot wisely. and i know that this time, you are even wiser. the sweetness of any chocolate may not be enough to ease the pain and the longing, but the sweetness of our friendship would do. it's a happy birthday after all :) 

i love you always :)  

enjoy your day! you're on your early 20's alreadyyy! cheers to a good life ahead vivi! 💋💋💋

my more than two cents :)

i've been writing lots about love lately. noticed that? hihi august seems to be my love month after all. #alammoyan so, here's another topic for you guys.

To tell you quite honestly, i am hesitant to post this because it WAS contradicting to my stories before. but since i learned a lot from those past experiences, here i am sharing with you guys the lessons and realizations that I got from them. ready?

Here's the mind-bugging question now: why do most people prefer being MU (mutual lovers) over being an official couple?

here are some reasons why:

1. Strict parents.

or, could be,gusto ng parents na magfocus muna sa studies. I guess this one's the safest yet the lamest reason that I used to hear. first of all, kung talagang nagmamatter sayo ang words ng parents mo, you won't get into any relationship that would entail intimacy. gets? edi sana lahat ng tao sa paligid mo, you treat them equally. no one's treated in a special way over the others. wala kang lovelife. definitely. pure friends lang lahat. hindi it's complicated ang status mo. wala kang katext every day and every night. (pero meron e) para kapag tinanong ka ngn parents mo ng 'anak, may boyfriend ka na ba?' sasagot ka naman ng 'wala pa'  diba ang hirap nyan? you choose to deny your feelings kasi bawal umamin? a no-no! eto lang ha, you can never be a good daughter/son and a good lover at the same time. there'll always be time when you'll have to choose on which side to put your loyalty to.

2. Focus sa studies

ayaw ng commitment and focus sa studies? WEH?? kaya ba okay lang na malate ang review time, wag lang malate ang reply sa kanya? (relate??) mas matagal magkausap kesa mag aral? ganyan? ganyan na ba ang focus ngayon? ang alam ko sa focus, you are directed straight ahead. no side glance, well, you can have that, but you do not actually entertain the thought or the feeling kasi nga you have your priority (not priorities.) put first things first. if that's love na talaga, you'll wait for you to be both ready. kung mahal ka nyan. hihintayin ka nyan. agree?

3. ayaw ng commitment.

di ko to gets why. some said, mas mahirap daw kapag official na. so ano to? testing the water forevs? you act as couple pero may compromise na bawal maging kayo? or you choose na wag maging kayo? bakitttt?? para walang gastos sa celebration ng monthsary and anniversary? ugh. lame yan uy! hahahha or, seriously, you ain't ready for the responsibility? big word? yes. RESPONSIBILITY. ayan. big word na talaga. why? don't you trust yourself enough to handle a relationship? really, what do you boys (yeah, not men) get in this? is this the lose less get more kind of a relationship where you exert less effort yet treated equally as an official boyfriend? #patawadsatinamaan hoy ha! grow some balls! you don't kiss the girl and tell everyone na nanliligaw ka pa lang! ano yan? easy access to wealth or advance claiming a prize? hihi #patawad there's a thin line between MU and courtship. learn how to separate those two.

if you're in this situation, you can't really say na di ka committed. why? commitment is not defined by the label of the relationship, but by the feelings you invest on your relationship. #word o ha, personal yan. agree?? no matter how you try to deny it, the fact that you get yourself attached to soomeone, you get yourself committed. yay or nay? why not make official na lang?  since yan na yung level nyo? wouldn't it be easier and less complicated if you get to claim something that's entitled to you already? see the analogy?

4. fear of heartbreak.

sadhgkjfhksdjhsdjhfk;sfjg; lang sa may ganitong rason.kung totoong di ka makakaexperience ng heartbreak sa MU, aba! mag MU-han na lang tayong lahat! hay. patawad na po ngayon pa lang sa mga susunod kong masasabi. HOY! kung ayaw mong masaktan, wag kang mag invest ng feelings! maglaro ka na lang! yan ang sinasabi ko sayo e. papasok ka sa MU tapos masasaktan ka? you are entitled to be hurt oy! kasama yan sa package. pero walang warranty and walang karapatan magselos at magreklamo. ayan kasi. ayaw pa ng official e.  lol nasa kontrata yan. kidding aside, you don't get into this kind of relationship with the guarantee of not having your heart broken. and to tell you honestly again, the pain or heartbreak that one experience from this is much worse than that coming from a break up. know why? coz it was clearly your choice to put yourself in that situation. you know you could've done better but you chose to save your pride instead. and then sing this song, 'what happened to us? we were almost there' (song: almost by Tamia)

5. committed na sa iba.

ooopsss. relate? tapusin na yan. sakit sa ulo lang yan. hahaha seriously, here's a word:  you can never love two persons at the same time at the same degree.

writer's note: my blog. my opinion. peace y'all :) by the way, malabo ba? oo nga no? parang pro's and con's of the MU relationship ang peg. hayaan mo na, ako din nalabuan e. :)

ano ba tayo? paki DTR nga!

Hiiii!!   I am supposed to be studying for my quiz and long practical exam tomorrow, but here i am, writing another mushy and  eklavern post. Hehe i was just thinking a lot about this DTR thing. Korek! That’t the topic! DTR—as in define the relationship. Lol. See, mushy topic indeed. Haha wala lang, i just find the topic too confusing and too mainstream lately. Alam nyo naman ako, may pagkapakialamera sa mga tao. Hihihi :D patawad!

So, yun nga, expound natin. Ikaw ba, have you been into a relationship wherein you yourself is not fully aware (naks!tulog lang??) or knowledgeable (medyo formal, scratch that) or sure about what you and your partner (partner na nga ba?) have? Nako! Basahin mo to dali! Loljk. Yung mga tipong you yourselves know that you’re attracted to each other, or you treat each other differently among others, or to the point that you guys actually act as couple but then deny each other once asked about your relationship. Wow ha! It’s complicated na medyo saksak puso! Meron din naman na, vocal sila about there feelings towards each other, and expressive sa kung anuman ang meron sila para sa isa’t isa, but when asked, sasabihin, “we’re just friends.” Minsan, defensive pa, ‘ganun lang talaga sya.’ Sometimes di ko din alam kung ako ba yung niloloko nila or sarili na lang din nila para di mag assume. Oh well, i can’t blame them, especially yung mga girls, who wouldn’t want to look like they’re claiming something unofficial. Hihi hashtag alamnyoyan

And eto na nga, dito na tayo sa part na magulo. Yung thrilling part. Thrilling kasi kahit malalim na ang gabi e, para kang nakainom ng isang litrong kape dahil di ka makatulog sa kakaisip ng mga moments nyoo together and ikaw sa sarili nagtatanong kung ano ba yung ginagawa nya sayo, or ano ba yung mga sinasabi nya sa yo at gaano kadalas ba syang ganun sa yo? Funny no? I have lots of friends, (as in A LOT OF THEM) who have undergone this already. Hahaha sige lang girls, ideny nyo, FO tayo! Sure na! Loljk. Well, uso nga kasi yang mga ganyan. Sa age ba naman natin, sarap kaya kiligin! Aminin! Then some would not initially tell their friends pa, hihintayin niyang kusang mapansin ng friends nya yung mga abnormal (patawad!) nyang kilos. Hahaha may ganyan e. Madami sila! :D peace! Then once asked, eto na naman sina linyang patay malisya: ‘friends lang kami’ ‘ganyan talaga yan’ ‘wala, nagtetext lang, grabe naman kayo.’ Oh! Tamaan ng kidlat ang magdedeny. Lol. I, myself, ganyan ako e. Ganyan style ko J care mo? Haha joke.

Here comes the question: friends nga lang ba?But, friends don’t treat each other like that! Lol. Makapag english lang.  Teka, how do you define friends and friendship by the way? Ang alam ko sa friends, di naman kailangang palaging magkatext, (unless, clingy kayo.lol) or di naman dapat nag uupdate sa mga whereabouts, or doesn’t act as if he/she owns you. Pakak! Kamusta checklist mo? Bingo ba? Hahaha :D oha, confused ka na? Bakit? Lagi mo ba katext? Palagi bang kayong dalawa yung magkasama kahit may iba ka namang circle of friends? Lagi ka niyayaya maghang out somewhere na kayo lang? Laging may damoves? Nako, wag na wag kang makadeny na di mo alam ang damoves ha! Babae ka! Kapag naconfuse ka na at nagstart magtaka sa mga kinikilos nyan, pak! Right time to ask na about DTR before ka pa mafall sa kanya at di na makabangon muli. Want that? Hahaha no diba? Or, gusto mo mag go with the flow na lang? (which is too mainstream now, really) Don’t get me wrong ha, im not against those who prefer that kind of relationship, syempre kung saan ka masaya at ano ang deserve mo, dun ka! Walang basagan ng trip! :D 

o, teka, confused ka pa? Wait, ganito nga yon, after all the sweet nothings you guys have shared,  you’ve reached the point of curiosity (finally!) about the real status of your relationship. Problem that may arise is that, mapride ka (mapride talaga??) in a way na you don’t want to be the first one to open the topic. Common yan sa girls. J of course, girls have reservations. We have this kind of thinking na, ayaw namin ng kami yung mauuna or magiinitiate na pag usapan yung whatever it is that we share. Guys are basically the ones responsible for it. Syempre, sila naman madalas yung nauunang magbigay ng motibo e, so, definitely, sila yung magbigay ng label! Right?! So there. Settled. J

another problem about that, what if walang plano si guy na linawin or lagyan ng label yang status nyo at prefer nya yung go with the flow na lang? EHEM EHEM. Wag guilty kung natatamaan ka. J  then, this is where your pride needs a little challenge and justiceJ  kumbaga, sort of letting some of your guards down, BUT,  trying to pull up your standard and defense. It’s something risky coz it takes a two-way process. When you initiate the conversation about, you better be firm about your stand and what you want in the first place regardless of what his decision may be. Hindi yung, ang lakas ng loob mong pag usapan nyo yan and magdecide kung ano kayo, but in the end, wala kayong nasettle. This entails a lot of courage and openness to what his take about  your relationship is. Hirap no? Ganun talaga! Hahahha harsh! You have to decide on how to set things straight and do something about it with consistency and precision. (naks! Scientific and mathematical terms oh!) but seriously, get straight to the point. If your precise about the friendship, then act as friends, and do it consistently. Hindi yung sa simula, malinaw na friends lang then eto ka na naman, confused kasi sweet na naman sya. One thing girls, kung medyo lumilihis ng landas si koya, (KOYA TALAGA!)  at may pahiwatig na naman, ibriefing mo ulit. Hahaha :D wag na mag padala. Okay? Para ka lang nadadapa at lumubog ka pa lalo at inenjoy ang putikan. Got my metaphor? Remember: mas masakit yan itigil kapag tumagal na J believe me, kapag paulit ulit mo na yan ginawa, magegets nya na yan J hehe basta, you have to stand firm on your decision pangatawanan mo yan. Pinili mo yan e. Haha

another problem: what if ayaw ng both parties mag DTR? Ewan ko naman kung anong isssue sa childhood meron ang mga ganito, but, whatever it is, BAHALA SILA. Nakikichismis ka na nga lang, makikialam ka pa? Care mo ba kung gusto nilang maging sweet sa isat isa then pag ayaw na, ayawan na lang. Simple. Ichika mo na lang. Hahaha joke. Bahala sila. Own world nila yan. Let’s leave it to them J abang na lang tayo pag awkward stage na sila. Hahaha

ano na ba talaga kasing status nyo? DTR na yan! Lol tapos share mo sakin J

paano ba yan friends? Nakarelate ka ba? Kung hindi, sorry, nasayang ko oras mo J kung oo, i hope you got something J

So yun! Wala nakong masabi pa ulit. Medyo nasabaw pako sa long exam namin sa anatomy e kaya medyo walang sense yan. Hihi til next babies! *wink* :* 

how

someone very close to me once asked me, 'how do you kill a feeling?' wow. that made me pause and think for a while. oo nga naman, how do youstop yourself from feeling the way you do? as for me, (nililinaw ko na ha, for me lang) you don't actually kill the feeling/s, you get used to it, live with it until it becomes part of your system, until it becomes part of you. it starts with getting by it day by day, until you get to realize that you have been doing it for a week and eventually survive through it for the whole month.

you dont just forget the feeling, or not feel it anymore, or kill it, you just get over it. gets mo? :) it's basically a slowly but surely type of process. and that's how you become stronger. once you get over it, the next time wouldn't hurt as much as it did. dibuhhhh :D you're ready to face it with a tougher and fiercer approach. and this time, you get to think wiser and make better decisions.

alam nyo guys, this may sound cliche, but it's true. pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. life's too short to dwell on the negativities that life's been giving you. and besides, ako, personally, i believe that you only get what you give to the world. kung mostly negativites yan, then try to think of living your life with a positive perspective. mahirap isipin kung titingnan mo in a bigger view, but, if you live it one day at a time, madali naman. hahaha tinatry ko din e ;) mas fun! hehe and ambilis na kaya ng oras! ngayon badtrip ka, then mamaya, okay ka na. o diba, bipolar lang? haha let go na natin ang mga nega sa life! remember, the only the difference between a good day and a bad ay is your attitude. :p

so there. said my piece kahit mej walang sense and all. haha :)))

and to my dear friend who feels down and negative, cheer up! choose to be happy! :)) you always have a choice, better yet, pick those that can make you smile :) remember, happy girls are the prettiest! 💋💋

yun lang! thanks for reading!

thoughts.

breath in. breath out. happy weekend peeps! 👍✌👊