..well in our case, it's when you bid goodbye.
the goodbye that means you finally decided to totally turn your back at me. to finally cut everything between us and forget all the memories we've created together
you see, it has always been you, over anyone, under any circumstance. But I never got the chance to prove myself because you are with someone else and I didn't want to cause any misunderstanding between the two of you. Being a woman myself, I wouldn't want another woman experience any heartbreak because of another's selfishness. I wasn't able to fight for you because you didn't let me. You settled over undefined relationship between us just because you have chosen to be with someone else.
Ours is not the kind of love story written in novels or watched in movies, the ones with a happy ending. Ours is a reality, made out of real choices, composed of regrets and unending chances. Regrets of not giving the best we could, and not making the most of what we had. Regrets of giving up too soon and acting like we don't care.
Now I'm drowning in pain and regret as I look back to those years of waiting for you. I did wait for you, afar, in silence.
I didn't expect this to hurt like this. But to see you happy, uplifts my soul in some ways.
I wish you the happiness you deserve.
And one last time, I love you so much
12.12.2017
6.27.2017
BAKIT
Umpisahan natin sa tunay na simula hanggang sa ngayon...
Bakit kita nakilala?
Bakit kita hinayaang maging parte ng buhay ko?
Bakit kita minahal?
Bakit mo ako niloko?
Bakit kita binalikan?
Bakit ko hinayaang maging masaya na naman sa piling mo kahit alam kong di pa panahon at hindi rin naman magtatagal?
Bakit di ako sumugal?
Bakit kita iniwan?
Bakit ko hinayaang mawala ang lahat?
Bakit di ako bumawi sa mga sumunod na mga pagkakataon?
Bakit di mono hinintay?
Bakit mono sinaktan nang paulit ulit?
Bakit di natatapos ang lahat satin?
Bakit bumalik ka na naman sa buhay ko?
Bakit hanggang ngayon apektado ako?
Bakit paulit ulit na lang?
Bakit di ko pa rin kayang kalimutan ka?
Bakit hanggang ngayon ang sakit?
Bakit ikaw pa rin?
Bakit kahit anong gawin ko di ka masala?
Bakit ikaw lang ang minahal ko nang ganito?
Bakit kita nakilala?
Bakit kita hinayaang maging parte ng buhay ko?
Bakit kita minahal?
Bakit mo ako niloko?
Bakit kita binalikan?
Bakit ko hinayaang maging masaya na naman sa piling mo kahit alam kong di pa panahon at hindi rin naman magtatagal?
Bakit di ako sumugal?
Bakit kita iniwan?
Bakit ko hinayaang mawala ang lahat?
Bakit di ako bumawi sa mga sumunod na mga pagkakataon?
Bakit di mono hinintay?
Bakit mono sinaktan nang paulit ulit?
Bakit di natatapos ang lahat satin?
Bakit bumalik ka na naman sa buhay ko?
Bakit hanggang ngayon apektado ako?
Bakit paulit ulit na lang?
Bakit di ko pa rin kayang kalimutan ka?
Bakit hanggang ngayon ang sakit?
Bakit ikaw pa rin?
Bakit kahit anong gawin ko di ka masala?
Bakit ikaw lang ang minahal ko nang ganito?
6.06.2017
first love
I guess it's absolutely true when they say that first love never dies. I was so sure I am madly in love with some one else until I got to once again encounter my long lost (super lost) first love AND SPEND A COUPLE OF DAYS (ROUGHLY A WEEK) with him and his family. That moment when you thought you're ALL OVER that person and beyond until you GET LOST in the thought of WHAT IF YOU ENDED UP TOGETHER.
PUCHA. All these years, all I did was desperately focus in my studies and move on and away from immature and not so nice memories of a previous romance, then in just a span of 6 days, everything went confusing.
They say we meet people for a reason. Whether for us to change their lives or for our lives to be changed by them. Then why do I keep on meeting, even spending time with him? ay wow, arte. ahahah Okay lang sana kung civil lang e, but why do we have to act as if friends kami, worse, close pa! It was annoying, even more when I wasn't able to control my laughter with his humour. Minsan ako talaga problema e. I could've just shrugged off his 'parinig' or 'padaplis' to create a lighter mood for every one pero naaasar talaga ko.
On the other hand, what happened in our trip could've been ideal, had we been together. (Ideal first date for me is actually on amusement park *wink*) And speaking of amusement park, we had a crazy adventure at Disneyland HK, by the way. And I was a kid for a day(s)!
Anyway, I'm just kinda confused and annoyed right now, and I can't tell anyone about this because it will cause me such a big trouble. for sure. hehehehe
ayan na muna. I was suppose to post a photo of us together pero wag na lang. Mahirap na.
PUCHA. All these years, all I did was desperately focus in my studies and move on and away from immature and not so nice memories of a previous romance, then in just a span of 6 days, everything went confusing.
They say we meet people for a reason. Whether for us to change their lives or for our lives to be changed by them. Then why do I keep on meeting, even spending time with him? ay wow, arte. ahahah Okay lang sana kung civil lang e, but why do we have to act as if friends kami, worse, close pa! It was annoying, even more when I wasn't able to control my laughter with his humour. Minsan ako talaga problema e. I could've just shrugged off his 'parinig' or 'padaplis' to create a lighter mood for every one pero naaasar talaga ko.
On the other hand, what happened in our trip could've been ideal, had we been together. (Ideal first date for me is actually on amusement park *wink*) And speaking of amusement park, we had a crazy adventure at Disneyland HK, by the way. And I was a kid for a day(s)!
Anyway, I'm just kinda confused and annoyed right now, and I can't tell anyone about this because it will cause me such a big trouble. for sure. hehehehe
ayan na muna. I was suppose to post a photo of us together pero wag na lang. Mahirap na.
6.04.2017
4.08.2017
3.08.2017
3.04.2017
HOW DO I UNLOVE YOU
it has been the longest 10 months of my life when I've always been torn between enjoying the moment I am with you and wishing time run faster to the day when I have to bid my goodbye to you and finally start anew. It has been both heartbreaking and relieving to realize how short our time is left until the end of this journey. You had been my rock, my strength in times when I cannot seem to last a duty, my life saver during unguarded moments and my best friend. I wish you were my soulmate too. You just know when to pop out, like you hear me calling everytime I need you. Your genuine kindness, generosity and care make it so hard for me to hate you. And with all those days that we would eat together, save each other's assess from getting demerits and endless arguments regarding our differences, I fell in love along the way. I was unsure, clueless and confused until it hit me...I fell in love with my best friend. And I know that this is not the fairytale-like or storybook-ish version of girl falling in love with her best friend. This is one-sided. Unrequited. Reality.
People have been saying a lot about you...about us. And I never got tired of denying until the day when things just can't be hidden or denied or masked. My actions became too obvious that I have to excuse myself each time I would want to scold myself for being too transparent of my kilig and even jealousy. Looking back, I can't exactly remember how I was able to pull off that 'I don't care' face everytime people would tease me or us, with you around. It was nerve-wracking everytime I had to hide my giddiness in the simplest of your actions. I almost come to a point where I desperately wanted to tell you how I feel. But I would ruin everything. I would loose everything. I cannot risk our friendship. I cannot risk you.
Now tell me. How do I unlove you.
How do I not think of the times you give me breakfast every morning?
How do I not think of you whenever I go on duty, having nothing to do or no-one to talk to
How do I not think of you everyday and every night
You have been the best part of this chapter. You taught me a lot about life and about myself.
I have been better because of you. I learned how to be independent. I learned how to be selfless. I learned how to love, genuinely without expecting anything in return, to love despite having my heart broken too many times, that I forget how to get hurt. I have learned to love you even more when you keep on breaking my heart, me. I had no idea I was capable of loving that much. Even I, was in awe.
I have learned to take risks and not be afraid of the consequences. I have become fearless. I've known myself better because of you. I have trust myself more because you trust me. I learned to believe in my capabilities because you keep on reminding me of the things I can do. You believe in me so much that I learned to believe in myself. I have become better because of you. And with that, I have become grateful. Thank you.
And same with all the stories we heard, we have come to our final moment.
This has been such a great year.
You have been an amazing part of my MedSchool, the best part rather.
You have been a great lesson.
A humbling experience.
My sweetest downfall.
People have been saying a lot about you...about us. And I never got tired of denying until the day when things just can't be hidden or denied or masked. My actions became too obvious that I have to excuse myself each time I would want to scold myself for being too transparent of my kilig and even jealousy. Looking back, I can't exactly remember how I was able to pull off that 'I don't care' face everytime people would tease me or us, with you around. It was nerve-wracking everytime I had to hide my giddiness in the simplest of your actions. I almost come to a point where I desperately wanted to tell you how I feel. But I would ruin everything. I would loose everything. I cannot risk our friendship. I cannot risk you.
Now tell me. How do I unlove you.
How do I not think of the times you give me breakfast every morning?
How do I not think of you whenever I go on duty, having nothing to do or no-one to talk to
How do I not think of you everyday and every night
You have been the best part of this chapter. You taught me a lot about life and about myself.
I have been better because of you. I learned how to be independent. I learned how to be selfless. I learned how to love, genuinely without expecting anything in return, to love despite having my heart broken too many times, that I forget how to get hurt. I have learned to love you even more when you keep on breaking my heart, me. I had no idea I was capable of loving that much. Even I, was in awe.
I have learned to take risks and not be afraid of the consequences. I have become fearless. I've known myself better because of you. I have trust myself more because you trust me. I learned to believe in my capabilities because you keep on reminding me of the things I can do. You believe in me so much that I learned to believe in myself. I have become better because of you. And with that, I have become grateful. Thank you.
And same with all the stories we heard, we have come to our final moment.
This has been such a great year.
You have been an amazing part of my MedSchool, the best part rather.
You have been a great lesson.
A humbling experience.
My sweetest downfall.
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