to my sister who began to drift away

first of all, I love you. What we're having right now is sort of an awkward situation, and it didn't just started because of our infamous 'closet wars' but a constellation of petty fights that rooted from our pride. Nobody wants to raise the white flag first because of our own reasons. As for me, I grew tired. Tired of understanding, of being patient, of being the one to approach first. I want you to know that I, also get tired physically, mentally and more so, emotionally. Despite that, I don't take that feeling to anyone, nor pick up on anybody. I don't drag people into trouble or get into fights when I'm tired. By the way, I'm not mad. I'm just tired, like you. And I ask for your understanding that this time, I am choosing to keep distance, or stay silent around you. We need time. Enough time for us to realize our mistakes and figure out how to become better...better for ourselves and for others. We need to nurture the good things left in us and eventually have the courage enough to talk to each other. This might have been our worst Christmas but nevertheless, I'm wishing you a merry one.

P.S.
I want you to know that this is hard for me, but I just keep on thinking this is what we need. 

23

And now my thoughts are clouded with 'What ifs' and 'What could have beens'. I can't help but ask myself countless times why I had to let you go or why I had to go away. We could've made it until today. But maybe there were several reasons...maybe  I was too young back then, or we were too young, or I got too scared that the overwhelming thrills you gave me would vanish into thin air without a warning, or maybe simply because my feelings were not strong enough to hold on. Another reason was probably because I realized it was too strong to the point that we crossed the line and made everything wrong. Maybe I was selfish and selfless at the same time. The reasons are endless yet I could not find which one exactly answer the question. But with all these reasons coming out my mind, I just can't fathom how exactly I feel right now. I'm left with questions that will never be answered and I have to content myself with that. 

As for now, I know you're truly happy with what's going on in your life, I'm happy for you too. I could have posted an old photo of us together, with a lengthy and mushy message but I don't have the right to. And with that, I only wish you a lifelong happiness with whatever comes your way. 

All the best!

-rhea

Sunday Currently Vol. VIII

Hi guys! Happy December! Christmas is just around the corner, can you already feel the vibe? Anyway, it's December's first Sunday and I'd like to share how my Sunday is so far to all of you.

So now, I'm 

Hi guysxz!

Currently....

Reading: Psych trans I just typed for Prelims week. It takes me several hours to finish typing transes because I surf the Internet every 10 slides hehe (talk about temptation)

Writing: Did I mention I'm not done with that Psych trans yet? hehe And I'm actually typing this post after the 30th slide of the lecture...and I got bored 

Listening: Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor and now Love Stood Still (been addicted to it for 3 months already! insane!)

Wearing: Loose white shirt and PJ's. Don't get me wrong, I just arrived few hours ago from the province, and I've already taken my bath. Just decided to be productive today (hopefully!)

Thinking: About how to manage my time today. I want to do a lot but I guess I don't have that much time. I'm thinking of shopping for new clothes and some groceries, cleaning my room and some other chores and study and sleep, of course. 

Wanting: Clothes and make-up and iPad case. 

Wishing: For longer nights, if possible. Is it just me or December nights seem so short? Kakapikit ko pa lang, umaga na agad agad! Bitin!

Praying: For last-minute twist and highlight of this year! It's been good so far, though. And I am eternally thankful. Hope you are, too.

Hoping: For great memories in the remaining weeks of 2015!

Loving: Our newly-renovated kitchen. hehe wala lang. Our house seems new and gives better vibe to everyone!

Feeling: Sleepy. srsly. why oh why.

Have a good Sunday people!