This year had been tough for me. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions for the past twelve months. There were lots of stop overs, turning points and bumps that i have encountered. But luckily, I was able to overcome them and survive. It was maybe because of the people around me who continuously believed in me and who had been very supportive in my battles. I was a survivor of 2010 because of the good influences of my family, friends and the people I look up to. Here are the highlights of my 2010 J
Deeper relationship with my Lord.
My faith would have not become stronger if I didn’t allow myself to encounter Him. For the past years, I have remained constant in prayers and spiritual thoughts. But this time, it’s something different and deeper, something indescribable on my part. I have started to thank Him for everything and trust Him for whatever He has for me. There were lots of changes and deeper thoughts that I have learned regarding my faith, and I will always be grateful to the Lord for letting me come nearer to Him.
My 17th birthday! Yay!!
I celebrated my 17th birthday with my friends last year. We ate out and watched movie together. It was double celebration of my birthday and my sister, Wisa also. That day, I also received gifts from Dane, (straight from Davao.) Tarayy!! I could never imagine celebrating my birthday without them.
My Amnesia Girl
This might be the turning point of my life. I won’t give so much details, because it’s kinda personal. Hehe. I got depressed. But i moved on. That’s all:D
Paskuhan 2010
Another highlight of my year. I was with my blockmates, and we stayed at the plaza mayor . We waited to see the amazing fireworks of the university! As always, it was awesome!!
December 22 2010
Sadness and happiness :D
How should I define regret? It must be what I’ve felt last time I saw my old flame, by that time, I was thinking that I should have taken the risk, I should have said yes. I should have tried harder. I should have given my best. But it’s just too late. All I have now are just memories of yesterday. And the best I can do is just to recall and reminisce those moments. I thought I was even okay until I saw him. I have started a whole new life without him, I have learned to wake up without any morning messages or sleep at night with no good night message. I have learned to live without him. I got used to it. But then I saw him. And here I am again, back to where I used to be. Trapped with the memories I can’t take away from my heart. Now all I think about is what might have been, what could have been if it was us, still us? We were almost there. If he would just know how much I miss him, his messages, his comforting words, and his all. I miss him a lot. And I want him back.
The time finally came. And as i have expected it, he has moved on. Completely. I pity myself for am still stucked here. Waiting, hoping and wishing that we’ll be together. SadL
Aside from the events that gave highlights to my year, I would also cherish the lessons that I have learned from all the trials and problems that I have encountered.
Acceptance of the reality.
After 4 years, finally, I hyave learned to accept, (not totally) that there are really some things which are out of my control and better than what I have in my mind. Like, Sam is not really for Toni. The two had been the centre of my life ffor years, and it’s just this time thatI have learned to accept taht they are just friends and the thing that they had is now gone. Maybe their chance is gone and they are reslly better off as friends and the Lord has prepared better persons for them than each other. Besides, I’m out of their lives, I better not say anything more.
Forgiveness
I think I have become more mature now. This is because I now know how to forgive those people who have caused me pain and just think that it is unavoidable to hurt and get hurt. Also, I came to realize that I am just making myself suffer more when I choose to hold on to pain that they have caused me. It only made me feel lonely for long time that’s why I decided to forgive them. Because I know that by forgiving them, I am allowing myself to grow and be happy, at the same time, making those people feel that they are still welcome in my life despite the rift that we had.
Letting go.
It was the hardest and the longest in process among the lessons that I have learned. I don’t know why, but I find it hard to let go. But fortunately, I mande it this year. What makes it hard to let go for me, is that, it is a no-turning back decision. When you let go, that’s it. You’ll never have it again. It’s always painful and difficult that’s why it takes time.It is a one step at a time process. You have to accept that it’s not for you that’s why it has to go. What makes it hard to let go is the fear of what’s going to happen after. How are you gonna face the world alone. It is the fear of change. Living differently than the usual. Letting go comes with living in pain and eventually getting used to it until it vanishes. It does not happen within an hour or even a day. It takes long time to let go of the pain inside. It depends on the willingness of the person to live a new life and give himself/herself a chance to grow as an individual.
Moving on
I consider this to be the most exciting part because you get to renew yourself. Moving on means you are ready to take a step forward and continue to walk along the path after the hump that you have encountered. For me, this stage helped me to regain my energy and enthusiasm in life. It is the time that I allot for myself. I have found new hobbies, learned new adventures and seen a better view on the way I look at myself. It made me see all the positive things happening around and lessen the negativities in my life.
Love.
Despite all the problems I had this past 12 months, rejection, heartaches, disappointments and even failures, I still would want to keep my heart beating for all the people around me who have been part of who I am today. I believe that at the end of the day, everything boils down to one thing, love. It may be the most complex thing to explain, but it will always be the most sincere feeling to express. I love the people around me who believe in me and support me in my chosen path, and I still love those who have caused me pain because if not for them, I would have not learned the lessons that made me stronger. If not for love, I would stop from hoping. If not for love, I would not be this person. And it is because of love that’s why we all continue to live.
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