3.08.2017
3.04.2017
HOW DO I UNLOVE YOU
it has been the longest 10 months of my life when I've always been torn between enjoying the moment I am with you and wishing time run faster to the day when I have to bid my goodbye to you and finally start anew. It has been both heartbreaking and relieving to realize how short our time is left until the end of this journey. You had been my rock, my strength in times when I cannot seem to last a duty, my life saver during unguarded moments and my best friend. I wish you were my soulmate too. You just know when to pop out, like you hear me calling everytime I need you. Your genuine kindness, generosity and care make it so hard for me to hate you. And with all those days that we would eat together, save each other's assess from getting demerits and endless arguments regarding our differences, I fell in love along the way. I was unsure, clueless and confused until it hit me...I fell in love with my best friend. And I know that this is not the fairytale-like or storybook-ish version of girl falling in love with her best friend. This is one-sided. Unrequited. Reality.
People have been saying a lot about you...about us. And I never got tired of denying until the day when things just can't be hidden or denied or masked. My actions became too obvious that I have to excuse myself each time I would want to scold myself for being too transparent of my kilig and even jealousy. Looking back, I can't exactly remember how I was able to pull off that 'I don't care' face everytime people would tease me or us, with you around. It was nerve-wracking everytime I had to hide my giddiness in the simplest of your actions. I almost come to a point where I desperately wanted to tell you how I feel. But I would ruin everything. I would loose everything. I cannot risk our friendship. I cannot risk you.
Now tell me. How do I unlove you.
How do I not think of the times you give me breakfast every morning?
How do I not think of you whenever I go on duty, having nothing to do or no-one to talk to
How do I not think of you everyday and every night
You have been the best part of this chapter. You taught me a lot about life and about myself.
I have been better because of you. I learned how to be independent. I learned how to be selfless. I learned how to love, genuinely without expecting anything in return, to love despite having my heart broken too many times, that I forget how to get hurt. I have learned to love you even more when you keep on breaking my heart, me. I had no idea I was capable of loving that much. Even I, was in awe.
I have learned to take risks and not be afraid of the consequences. I have become fearless. I've known myself better because of you. I have trust myself more because you trust me. I learned to believe in my capabilities because you keep on reminding me of the things I can do. You believe in me so much that I learned to believe in myself. I have become better because of you. And with that, I have become grateful. Thank you.
And same with all the stories we heard, we have come to our final moment.
This has been such a great year.
You have been an amazing part of my MedSchool, the best part rather.
You have been a great lesson.
A humbling experience.
My sweetest downfall.
People have been saying a lot about you...about us. And I never got tired of denying until the day when things just can't be hidden or denied or masked. My actions became too obvious that I have to excuse myself each time I would want to scold myself for being too transparent of my kilig and even jealousy. Looking back, I can't exactly remember how I was able to pull off that 'I don't care' face everytime people would tease me or us, with you around. It was nerve-wracking everytime I had to hide my giddiness in the simplest of your actions. I almost come to a point where I desperately wanted to tell you how I feel. But I would ruin everything. I would loose everything. I cannot risk our friendship. I cannot risk you.
Now tell me. How do I unlove you.
How do I not think of the times you give me breakfast every morning?
How do I not think of you whenever I go on duty, having nothing to do or no-one to talk to
How do I not think of you everyday and every night
You have been the best part of this chapter. You taught me a lot about life and about myself.
I have been better because of you. I learned how to be independent. I learned how to be selfless. I learned how to love, genuinely without expecting anything in return, to love despite having my heart broken too many times, that I forget how to get hurt. I have learned to love you even more when you keep on breaking my heart, me. I had no idea I was capable of loving that much. Even I, was in awe.
I have learned to take risks and not be afraid of the consequences. I have become fearless. I've known myself better because of you. I have trust myself more because you trust me. I learned to believe in my capabilities because you keep on reminding me of the things I can do. You believe in me so much that I learned to believe in myself. I have become better because of you. And with that, I have become grateful. Thank you.
And same with all the stories we heard, we have come to our final moment.
This has been such a great year.
You have been an amazing part of my MedSchool, the best part rather.
You have been a great lesson.
A humbling experience.
My sweetest downfall.
2.10.2017
11.21.2016
seize the moment
today was extra special. we bonded stronger, like our friendship turned a level higher.
we shared the same bed, like laid really close with each other.
we talked a bit sweeter, more serious.
more laughters than arguments
and I find you a lot sweeter than the usual,
and it makes me wanna melt.
but you are not in love with me, the same way I am to you.
but I accept that.
I'm content with our 'moments' today
No one can take it away from me. It may not last long, but it did happen.
Today happened.
11.14.2016
stop
stop loving him. but how? stop thinking of him. stop looking forward to seeing him. stop talking to him and about him. stop, just stop.
he is never gonna love you the way he loves his girl.
he will never be your 'the one'
because he does not deserve to be. YOU HAVE A LOT OF LOVE TO GIVE, and if he does not recognise how precious you are and how much love you're willing to give, the HE DOES NOT DESERVE ANY OF IT.
he is never gonna love you the way he loves his girl.
he will never be your 'the one'
because he does not deserve to be. YOU HAVE A LOT OF LOVE TO GIVE, and if he does not recognise how precious you are and how much love you're willing to give, the HE DOES NOT DESERVE ANY OF IT.
11.09.2016
What to do...
So here's the thing. What should I do with my feelings for this guy. I keep on falling in love with this man all over again. PAANO BA?!
9.18.2016
SUNDAY CURRENTLY VOL. XIV
hi guys! I can't believe it's mid-September already!!! And hello IM rotation!!! Well, I had my very first day as duty in the ER last 16th (Friday), and luckily, we have a review the next day, so no AdCon for us. Anyway, I really missed blogging, so here's an update about my Sunday.
Currently...
Reading: IM platinum, which I don't really plan to do, pero naisip ko lang i-browse. Aside from that, I'm reading several Facebook posts and some blogs hehehehe
Writing: My schedule for the next month and this entry for the blog
Listening: "Best In Me" by Blue courtesy of Spotify
Wearing: My favourite sleepwear.
Thinking: Of my future plans after this clerkship
Praying/Hoping/Wishing/Wanting: To survive clerkship and get a good sleep right after.
guys, cyan na lang for now because I really need to prepare myself for tomorrow's duty. As in this year has been so tiring and challenging and annoying and fulfilling and everything at the same time.
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