tick tock

you know, that thing... that overrated thing. I admit that I've been wanting it for a long time now, not in a desperate-kind of want though. But i want it... the real thing. The one that's good for long term. The kind that mature people actually experience in real life. The one that we all see in movies with happy endings, or at least close enough. I want it true and worthy of risks and time and feelings. The one that gives you motivation to get up each morning and face the day confidently knowing that you'll make it because someone believes you could. That kind of inspiration you have that radiates from you and people would see it as something amazing and great and beautiful. I want it so badly but I'm not sure if I want it now, or maybe I want it now but I'm not ready for it now. 

I don't know if it's just the hang over from two movies I've watched that Im too emotional than what I usually am, but for sure it's not hormones because I just had my 'time of the month'. Maybe it's just a little knock in me reminding me that I'm still a vulnerable lady...waiting and waiting patiently until a slap on the face would come up and make me realize that there's actually more to life than worrying. Learn to stop and smell the flowers, darling. 

This post is so vague that even I could not understand where I am coming from...but I won't delete this for the sake of remembrance. Goodnight.