sumthin'

there's something inside my head that has been going on for quite a while, which I can't seem to express fully. I'm in the middle of countless thoughts that continue to drown me every single night before I sleep, in the morning when I wake up, in the stillness of water as I take my shower or even when I plainly sit inside my classroom. A lot has been going on inside my head though my recent days in school were uneventful. I'm not sure if it's just the usual me being an over thinker or I'm going too fast that I'm now losing my track. I'm not sure if I'm still willing to do things or I'm ready to give up or is there any part in my past that needed closure or am I doing everything in a different way.... there are so many questions I tried escaping from, but they are so damn strong I'm now drowning in them. I thought I needed rest or any sort of breaks from this routine but I'm in that point of my life now that a single pause would ruin everything and I'm not willing to risk EVERYTHING just to figure things out. I'm not sure where I'm heading to or who I wanted to be with in this journey or what I really wanted to do now or when will I ever BREATHE some fresh air or .... I don't know now. I'm emotionally preoccupied by things that can give me temporary happiness or any of that sort and I'm not sure until when would this last. But now, I'm back to my usual mantra: 'To survive the day and sleep' That's all.

lessons from the past

They say "Experience is the best teacher", and true enough, I must say. Last year was one of the most challenging years I've survived, for it has given so many lessons that I'll forever remember. I've gotten to know myself a lot better and deeper, as well as discovered my limitations when it comes with how far I can go and how much I'm willing to give in certain relationships. And here, today, I've decided to post the top 6 lessons that 2015 has taught me.

let go

of the the negative vibes

of the toxic people

all the things that make you feel youre not good enough

of all your insecurities

those people who dont deserve to be in your life

open your circle

ive had my fair share of my first impressions and pre judgments on people which actually affect the way I treat them. This year, Im so glad to have gooten the chance to get to know them better and prove myself wrong about my thoughts on them. I was able to spend time with people whom i never thought would be so close to me and whom I could get along with pretty well. I guess first impressions that last don't apply to everyone

don't let others define you

...but you gotta listen to what they say. this one has been one of the lessons which I had to learn in the hard way. I've always been very open with my thoughts and views about certain things, especially with people who are close to me or those whom I'm comfortable with. And I also welcome criticisms about me especially when they come from important people. However, I am also easily affected and sensitive about some of them when all I hear or all that's been said about me are negative. This year was nice enough to teach me how to filter and select only those that I really need to actually help myself grow. Nasty things/comments could've been a lot easier to accept if the only goal is to help the other person grow and overcome her shortcomings. But, if those opinions were meant to hurt the person intentionally and make her feel bad of herself, then it will no longer help her, and it would hurt her instead. 

listen to what others have to say

that's what friends are for. they're there to help you grow by letting you know that some of your actions are offensive, or the things you say are a bit vague and prone to misinterpretations. It's not necessarily criticism all the time that you have to listen to, but also the commendations they say about you. Good feedbacks help you and motivate you even more to bring out the best and continue to be better version of yourself. 

silence is healthy

There are moments when you need not to react, or simply keep your thoughts to yourself. This happens especially if you know that what you're going to say might just be misinterpreted or be viewed at a different light. Also, when the 'thing' is actually petty and you just want to let it go instead of making it a big issue, staying silent is healthier. It actually prevents you from dealing with toxic people most of the time. 

be happy 

all the time. For as long as you don't have the intention to offend anyone, do your thing, excel on it and be happy. It's your life anyway. Please yourself, not them. 

So there! Have a blissful 2016 everyone!