expectation vs. reality

Expectation: 100% rest and recreation

Reality: Family business pa more!

Expectation: diet and lose some weight

Reality: kain pa more!

Expectation: Getaways with friends

Reality: Team bahay/business pa more

Pseudo-sembreak/pseudo-rest/pseudo-chill time

In 10 years...

I've been praying so hard to achieve my ultimate dream of being a doctor, and now that I'm halfway through with my third year in Med school, the mix feelings of excitement and anxiety is so palpable, it feels so surreal. I can't imagine vividly how I would face my days of internship, how I would survive my graveyard shift and how in the world would I get through a whole year of pure patient interaction, without getting humiliated in front of everyone because of my epic fail management. The whole thought of internship shakes me and gives me chills. hay, the things I would have to go through to get to that ultimate dream of mine--those two letters, M.D., after my name. Rhea May Perez, M.D.--how does that sound? 

Skipping the internship and residency phases, let's see how I picture myself 10 years from now. Well, I'll be 32 years old by then and...

In 10 years, I hope I'm stable enough-financially and emotionally to support my family, be able to give back to my parents' hard work and be their source of strength. To give them enough leisure and recreation, destress and have some pampering. They truly deserve that after decades of shedding sweat and tears just to provide the best for us. I could only imagine how happy we all would be when that time of 'giving-back' come to reality. They are not asking for it, though; but, as a daughter who look up to them and who witness every sacrifice they have to make, I think it's the least I can do. 

In 10 years, I hope to have a stronger bond with my lifelong friends. This time, I hope to spend time with them a lot more, assuming that by this time, we can already manage and decide for own time, without schedules to compromise or deadlines to meet. I hope to spend random out of town trips or beach getaways or out of the country vacay with them. Or a simple staycation would suffice. With my vivid imagination, I could easily picture our barkada, walking the streets of New York or Paris, shopping and having fun food trips together. Hashtag squadgoals. That sounds perfect. What about seeing myself getting dolled up to attend one of my bestie's wedding? TISSUE PLEASE. I WOULD CRY A LOT LIKE LITERALLY, I MIGHT RUIN THE WHOLE WEDDING. Kidding aside, of course I would be one of the happiest girlfriend to see one of my best friends walk down the aisle with his groom waiting for her at the altar. (But sana by that time, payat nako please. So friends, wait for my ideal body before you wed, okay? thanks!)  

In 10 years, I hope and pray that I've found you, my love. I pray that we'd have great friendship as our strong foundation, with full of respect for each other and be family-oriented. I pray that my family would like you, and would see all the good things about you. I pray that you are emotionally stable for a lifetime commitment with me, no matter how immature or childish I would be, at times. I pray that our home be filled with love and laughters even on stressful days. May we have time to escape from the busy and hectic realities of our respective careers and go on a spontaneous date/picnic/roadtrip or getaways. May we have lots of moments to cherish and memories to last a lifetime. I can see us having simple dates like eat out on a Friday night or stargazing while we talk about our future plans. Or just share a tub of cookies and cream flavoured ice cream and pizza with lots of cheese while watching our favourite movies/series together. I would love to wake up beside you each morning and prepare for our breakfast together. To grow old with you is a journey I can't wait to begin. Wherever you are right now,  I pray that God is preparing you for your future life with me. 

In 10 years, I would read this again and see which actually happens in reality. 

Tuesday Currently

I missed last Sunday's post, so to compensate for that, I decided to write my currently ganaps today. Well I'm supposedly home since last Friday, but due to the unexpected typhoon, exams got extended until yesterday. (talk about bad vibe) So in effect, schedules got major adjustments and plans got postponed. *rolls eyes* Anyway, it's the start of our pseudo-sembreak and I've just started hibernating and catching up some sleep *confetti* Truly, it's one of my most anticipated time and it feels so surreal. So before I head back to bed, lemme share you my 

Currently...

Reading: October-November issues of fashion and lifestyle magazines. Reviews of some stuff that I'm planning to buy next semester, when the allowance starts rolling *wink* Is this the first time I'm not including transes in this category? WOW! finally!

Writing: Aside from this, I'm actually making a list of some stuff I need to buy. 

Smelling: Tuna!!! That's my dinner by the way! 

Wearing: A pair of sleepwear. This is actually my favourite kind of house clothes. I can wear this all day! Swearing by the moon and stars, this is always included in my wishlist! a good pair of sleepwear (PJ's and top) is one way to my heart. 

Listening: Nothing. Oops! which reminded me to turn my Spotify on. oh, my MYMP heart starts beating once again. hihi

Thinking: About how I would spend this break without having to spend much. I guess, I'd just stay home on most days. Sleep and some catching up on some series. And probably include one beach getaway with friends? hope so!!

Wishing: To slow time and allow me to enjoy and savour this break. I've waited long enough, and so please, let everyone enjoy. 

Praying: For miracles. Chos! Nothing in particular. God has been so generous and loving that I am only left with gratefulness at this point. 

Wanting: A lot!!!! They're so many, I can't list them down. But one thing is for sure, I'd try to save up to have them!

Hoping: That next sen, I would really really be serious enough and try to understand and learn the lesson, because the thought of internship freaks me out, like cray cray. 

Needing: Maturity and discipline in all aspects of my life. There are times when I feel like I'm a bratty little girl who get upset when I don't get what I want, and that annoys me so much. Ang arte ko, kahit ako naiirita na sa sarili ko. anobeyyyy!! Pero minsan lang naman!

Feeling: Sleepy! Well yes! It's this time when my body would enjoy at least 12 hours of sleep a day to compensate for the countless sleepless nights in Medschool. 

Happy Sembreak, people!!

Facts

1. I love dirty ice cream, taho, kwek kwek, kikiam and isaw. Of course people around me know how much I like to eat sushi, pizza and steak but most of the time, my cravings are just around the corner, (or the streets?) 

2. I don't prefer having someone to accompany me while shopping. But I would love the other way around. I just don't like the thought of having someone waiting for me to get done, because with all sincerity, I am never done with shopping. Most of the time, I spend 2 days which means I go back to the mall and make another round. 

3. I love love love spicy food. Anything spicy is appetizing to me. Name it, put some chill powder and I'm good. 

4. I don't drink coffee, unless it's black. Straight and bold. I only drink coffee for the purpose of getting awake and for some reasons, the ones with creamer or whatsoever mixed with it don't have an effect on me. 

5. I love music. It's my kind of therapy. 

6. My default food everyday would either be oatmeal or tuna with crackers which happens to be my current favourite. 

7. I'd rather stay in bed and watch movies or series than go clubbing on a Friday night. There are time when I'd love to socialize and join some catch up sessions with friends, but the tiredness I'm feeling would need either 2-day worth of sleep or a week-worth of sweets and potato chips. Alcohol doesn't count. 

8. I hate all sorts of pressure. Deadlines are my enemies. Because I'm a crammer, I hate the nights-before-the-deadline moments when I'm either doing reports or histories. 

9. I hate hate hate LIARS. Who wouldn't? For whatever reason, a lie is a lie, and the end doesn't justify the means. Some would cover up a lie to prevent others from getting hurt, but please, we all know the truth's gonna come out sooner or later and that would bring pain even more. Guys, remember, trust is priceless. You don't gain it, you earn it, you work for it.  

10. I can't live without wifi. Coz I'm part of this generation. Sad? Uhh, somehow yes. 

Sunday Currently Vol. V

Apparently, it's not our perfect-kind of Sunday due to the presence of Lando, but I do hope everyone's safe and dry. Just keep indoors if there's nothing important that you have to attend to, okay? I've spent  half of this day reading my trances for my suppose-to-be exams for tomorrow and simultaneously praying that classes/exams won't get suspended, but heavens must have something in mind. Anyway, I just decided to take a nap for few minutes, and here I am now, trying to digest the fact that there's no schedule for tomorrow and sembreak will be cut short, and so I am just writing this instead. 

Now, I am Currently...

Reading: Transes for Tuesday's exam which include Surgical Pathology, ENT and Therapeutics. Sounds boring for most, I know. But this one's the last time I'd get to touch them for now, so okay. 

Writing: Aside from this SC, I'm also gonna write about some facts about me, entitled:  Facts.  Hope you get to read that. By the way, I intentionally deleted my previous post about the nakakakililg encounter I had with a GrabCar driver because I've found out that he's apparently no longer available. Thanks to my stalking skills! hehe </3 Moving on...

Smelling: My freshly-cooked lunch. Rice all I want. 

Wearing: Black camisole and a pair of pyjama. 

Listening: Gushing sound of strong wind by my window, which is scarier than I thought. Lando go away!

Thinking: Nothing. My mind's blank as of the moment because I got so disoriented once again. I mean I'm always disoriented haha But just now, I am starting to think of how to arrange my study schedule for this week. Yeah, just that.

Wishing: Sembreak. please. My neurons are no longer functioning. Everyone needs some rest, and FOOD. and SLEEP. and love life. char!

Praying: For everyone's safety especially those who are greatly affected by the typhoon. And for our country to recover quick after this. 

Hoping: That we all get to learn from all the experiences and trials that we're going thru, may it be as a family or as a nation. Remember: Experience is the best teacher! Konek nye na lang! 

Loving: This newly bought pair of Yosi Samra shoes in color pewter which gives so much comfort. Why did I just discover it now, why! I'm planning to invest in some good pairs of shoes and YS is definitely one brand to consider! Remember, Great shoes will take you to great places!

Wanting: No material things this time, I just want to go home and snuggle next to our dog, Chloe. :(

Needing: At the moment, food. I'm famished. 

Feeling: Blank. Flat affect. I don't exactly know what to feel about the whole suspension of classes. 

Anyway, I hope everyone's safe and dry! Have blessed Sunday! There are lots of thing to be grateful about, keep the gratitude alive! 

CURRENT MUSIC OBSESSION

Lately, I've been loving 'kalmado-vibe' songs that would either put me to sleep or simply calm the beast in me. I honestly have no talent when it comes to singing, except for memorizing lyrics (if you consider that as such) but my love for music is deep as hell. I could spend a day or a week or even a month (OA) without TV,  but music is a necessity. 

Right now, I'm so much hooked into MYMP's (high school feels) and Ed Sheeran...I know, it's kind of late and throwback but I believe their music would give you the best throwback memories that others can't. Well apparently my list would consist of different love songs, with different hugot lines (probably one of the reasons why I love them) but all would def put someone in mood...to fall in love? echoes. wala, put in mood lang. There's something about music that could turn a person's mood into a 360 and magically boost positivity. Real talk, I myself consider music as one of my basic stress-relieving therapy other than sleep and retail therapy. Here goes my list of my daily jams that I love to play every morning before coming to school and at night before bedtime. 

1. Love Stood Still -MYMP

2. A Little Bit- MYMP

3. Power of Two- Indigo Girls

4. Photograph- Ed Sheeran

5. Beginning Today

6. Sway- Bic Runga

7. Dreaming of You- Selena

8. To Love Again- U Turn

9. All I Have To Give- Backstreet Boys

10. When You Say Nothing At All- Ronan Keeting

by the way, please include my all-time favourite, How Deep is Your Love by BeeGees!

Having a bad day? Go, try to listen to your fave jam to make you feel better! Happy listening!  

Sunday Currently Vol. IV

As usual, it was a busy week, and I'm expecting a busier and crazier weeks ahead. It's that time of the semester again, when everyone gets agitated and nervous breakdowns and all sorts of haggardness come at once. Exam week has to be one of the most terrified period in student's life, and being one for  almost 17 years now, I've come to master the cycle and finally learned my 'style' in getting thru this. It's no secret that I AM A PROUD CRAMMER. Yes, I am never productive until it's few hours before the exam. hehe I hate pressure, but to be painfully honest, it's the most effective motivation for me to study. hahaha Okay, too much about med school problems, let's go to the real thing. How's your Sunday so far? Well I'm

Currently...

Reading: Nothing yet, because I'm still sorting out reviewers and trances and papers for Pre-Semestral Exams. Yepppp. and again ngayon ko lang naisipan mag ayos at maglinis ng study area ko. But it actually helps me to get into the mood of studying, rather than just sit and study right away. 

Writing: This post. Wait, I'm also writing another blog entry about random stuff. Sabay ko ginagawa, depending on what comes into my mind. I'm actually glad that I'm writing blog entries rather than write/type patient's histories. Di ko alam ah, pero yung pagsusulat ng history na data ang isa sa least favourite kong part ng  medschool. 

Listening: Currently playing in my Spotify playlist is "Can We Dance by The Vamps". Nakakahappy lang.

Smelling: Green Tea, as usual. Want some? It's my third cup today! hahaha

Wearing: Shirt and Pants. I just got back from the province at ito agad ginawa ko. hahahaha At least, di na sleepwear, and at least nakaligo na. hahaha

Thinking: About my future plans. Yehess naman!! As if abot kamay ko na silang lahat! Well, I'm daydreaming to be exact. 

Wishing: That these weeks ahead-full of toxic hours and sleepless nights would help me loose weight, without the need to work out. hahahaha alam mo na, sana enough na yung stress to come to loose some excess. lol ano daw.

Wanting: I'm never running out of things to put on this segment. But for now, I want a new study table. Legit. Promise. #pagpapanggap101 Srsly, a nice study table would motivate me to study a bit more seriously. 

Hoping: For a faster phasing of days and weeks until sembreak. I love that moments during mid-week days when I'd find myself saying, "Shet seryoso Wednesday/Thursday na aged agad? Di ko namalayan yung pagdaan ng araw" Those feel so damn good. Of course, Friday nights are the most anticipated ones. hearts all over. 

Loving: This whole time of busy and crazy week. Despite the stressful days and sleepless nights, I actually love exam weeks more over lecture ones. I find lecture days boring and recitations annoy me even more. But SGD's and role playings and all kinds of presentations are the ones that freak the hell out of me. Di ko talaga feel yung mga ganyang may mga preps and rehearsals na gagawin. I'd rather take exams the whole week than...yun nga. 

Needing: Body massage. :( Sayang I didn't get to book one appointment last weekend due to some conflict of shed, but after exams it would be my top priority. I can't function as much because of this back ache located at ..., with the pain scale of ... radiating to .... ECHOS! 

Feeling: Mixed emotions: Kind of agitated (due to exam weeks ahead and wala pa along kaalam alam), happy (sembreak in 2 weeks), thrilled (nalalapit na ba ang TH?), excited (for the coming blessing). 

That's all friends! Happy Sunday! 

free talk

focus on the good, soon after, you'll have the best ❤️

take me back

All I need in this life of sin is me and the BEACH (or somewhere far from the toxicity of Medicine) 

Well while waiting for my laptop to get fully charged and begin with my histories, let me take a breather even just by running through the memory lane. I miss the sound of beach waves, salty cold breeze, sand on my feet and the sound of people enjoying summertime. I'm actually not a beach person, but I also 'crave' for it once in a while. There's just something therapeutic about it. Aside from the beach, I also love the idea of staying in bed. yup, you read that right, most of the time, I would rather be on my bed than participate in real life. I prefer spending time alone, think and contemplate on my life and just be silent.

Most people would think of me as bully, or loud or strong or even intimidating. I find those impressions so silly. But I can't blame them, that's how they see me, or at least how they choose to look at me. Go lang, walang personalan. hahaha Only few people really know that I am the sensitive and easily affected cry baby. Not bragging it either. hehe Though their impressions get me thinking sometimes. There are moments when I would take a step back and ask myself, 'hala, bakit ganon tingin nika sakin? e di naman ako ganon?' But when I ask my real friends about it, they would simply say, 'hayaan mo na no, di ka naman ganon. chill ka lang, di mo ikapapayat yan' true enough. What I learned from this journey of encountering different types of people is that, they would choose to look at you in ways that you might not want to; it's their choice anyway, but that has nothing to do with you, it only says a lot about them.  Some would claim that they're positive and they see the good things around them, only to find out that they're actually magnifying every negative thing about you. But that's human nature. Even I, am guilty of that. So let go let go of the negativities na lang. Lahat naman hindi perfect e. Postive lang. 

Ayun nga, mabalik anko sa una kong point ano, PAGOD na ko since last week. Gusto ko naman magswimming at kumain at magshopping at MATULOG NANG MAHABA. please. Well, gusto ko din magkatalent at mag artista na lang minsan, pero feel ko, di ako makakatulog nang maayos at mahaba kaya wag na lang muna yon. So, kahit TULOG AT PAHINGA na lang muna, solve nako. Yung kain at shopping kahit next time na lang, mga after 2 weeks, ganon. 

Anyway, I see my laptop fully charged now-time for homeworks and deadlines to meet, so vavoo!!

a little bit of you

Piles of papers scattered around the floor

Deadlines to meet and exams to take

Here i am, curled on my bed thinking of you,

Of how we were, of what we used to.

Nights were spent with giggles and laughters,

Sweet music only our hearts could hear

The world doesn't know what you and I feel,

For everything was nothing but surreal

Your face fills my thoughts all day,

Even in the simplest of things, I remember your name

The words you said, still in my head

I can hear your voice even now I'm on my bed

It hurts to think that everything was gone

All we had just burned and faded into none

I'd like to believe we both tried to hide

The pain and sadness we just kept inside

Now I see you, happy and in love

With her, who gave you what you need and put you above

Such joy in my heart to see you smile

Though now, I know this means goodbye

THOUGHTS @ 10PM

"What if the one that got away came back?"

Will you let that person in for another chance? For another take of risks and opportunities? Will there be any difference from the previous failures of the past relationship? Is your heart ready for another shot of thrills and pains? Are you willing to fight harder this time? To hold on tighter? Are you ready to forget the past and start anew? Will there be an assurance of permanence and responsibility? Will you choose to love even on the hardest days--days when the other's at his/her worst? Are you willing to give up every fight to let the other win? Are you willing to humble yourself and put the other's interest first? Are you willing to sacrifice and give the bigger piece of your favourite meal? Will you do everything to have that person back again? All for that second shot? Second chance? To make everything right and just perfect this time? YES. 

twist: What if I was the one who got away? Will you also let me in if I come back? 

FIVE THINGS I THINK OF MOST OFTEN LATELY

1. Sembreak/ Summer break/ Christmas break. all sorts of escape from school.


2. How to loose weight without diet and exercise?! I. NEED. A. MIRACLE.


3. Where to find myself 10 years from now? Daydreaming, here we go again. I want my own clinic,  a good and responsible husband who would bring me to work in the morning and fetch me in the afternoon, kids, own home, stable financial status, time for things I'd love to do...and the list goes on.


4. Shopping. Shopping. Shopping. Online shopping would do. Make up, clothes, bags, shoes, gadgets. If only I have all the time and money in the world.


5. Hearts and flowers.  #ifyouknowwhatImean

now playing: Getting to Know Each Other by Ariel Rivera

ZS

this has got to be the realest shit about Taurus I've ever read in my whole existence. 

SUNDAY CURRENTLY Vol III

So it's the first Sunday of October, (a rainy Sunday, it is) and I know I've missed two Sunday Currently posts due to my usual excuses, hehe Anyway, I just love the atmosphere today, cool rainy weather that relaxes the vibe and gives me that chill kind of mood. Well, I hope for another suspension of classes to have more YOLO before hitting the hell weeks. hahaha abusado and peg. By the way, classes were suspended last Friday (Thank heavens) which gave me relief since I was not done yet with my history that was due that day at 8am. Good thing I woke up at 3am to try to finish the said paper, but after almost 2 hours of checking and refreshing twitter and Facebook, Tada!!!! Suspensions of classes from different cities (including ours) were posted all over the internet!!! then, I went back to sleep. ayun. saya diba? anyway, that was a long introduction to my SC post, so let's go to the real thing. Ready? mmmmkay. 

Currently...

Reading: Twitter updates, random blogs, Facebook articles and some other stuff. (Yes, I intentionally don't browse any academically-related stuff today because the thought of exam week freaks the hell out of me.) I'm trying to escape that "calm before the storm" mood coz what I want is the "calm forever no storm" vibe. hue hue hue Now you must have an idea on how tired I am with the complicated life I got myself into. Bat ko ba kasi pinasok to. I still can't get myself used to this moments when I would be facing weeks of exams and stressful and dreadful preparations for OSCE's and practicals. Di na ba ko nasanay?! hahaha anyway, This too shall pass. And We shall all pass. Good vibes lang. No regrets, just love <3 Ano daw? wala. maisingit lang. 

Writing: Not actually writing, but typing this SC post, but maybe a few hours later, I would also try to polish and finalize my patient's history for PD II. Mabawasan man lang yung iccram ko for this week. Also, I'm planning to write another post about random stuff, but since it's random, random na lang din when I'll post it. HIHIHI

Listening: Locked Away by R. City feat. Adam Levine. Unmade bed + Rainy Sunday + this song + a cup of green tea = PERF CHILL SUNDAY. NEED I SAY MORE? chill na chill (sana lang walang kapalit tong pagchichill kong ito. please naman!)  By the way, I got hooked with this song few months ago pa, and I thought I've moved on, but every time I hear it, bumabalik ang lahat lahat.. hugot na huge si ate girl.

Thinking: Ano ba, madami as usual. Random stuff about my academics, my future plans, some memories, some missed opportunities, expected future possibilities, mag anon. In short, contemplating life. 

Smelling: Green tea aroma. hayyyy relaxing, calming, nakaka-lola feels but the best *heart heart*

Wishing: A lot. But first, I wish to pass the first semester. AS IN MY ULTIMATE WISH IS TO NOT REPEAT ANY SUBJECT. PLEASE DO NOT DELAY ANG PEG. I REALLY WANT TO GET THESE STUFF OVER AND DONE WITH (with panggigigil pa) CAPSLOCK PA MORE PARA INTENSE! 

Hoping: A smooth flow of the rest of the weeks and continuous outpour of blessings, not only for me and my family, but for the people I love, my friends and every one else who have gone thru enough stress and hardships. I, thank you,bow! Kidding aside, I seriously hope we all get through and survive this week's responsibilities and deadlines with flying colors!

Wearing: Loose white Tee and sweatpants and my protective glasses. okay, so at this point, I'm still on my bed, no ligo, no make up, no plans of getting up. hahahah enuf said. 

Loving: What? wait. the weather. yes, I love rainy days, (not stormy days) when I just curl up on my bed and listen to good songs and relax all day long. Well, what can I say, thank you Lord for this perfect day. <3

Wanting: Okay, so the list never ends. It still includes the same from my past post's lists plus new earphones with good bass, and this random laptop table which I could use whenever I'm doing stuff on my bed, like the breakfast in bed-ones. Mga katamaran sa buhay. I also want a good-fitting pants with exact length. I usually don't wear pants because I can't find a pair that would fit nicely. Laking bagay ba? hahaha KAARTEHAN. 

Needing: Some strength and courage and sipag and sipag and sipag pa more to get the next three weeks done. As in yun lang. mga 1 sakong strength and courage tapos mga 10sakong sipag. At mga 8 hours of sleep in-between if possible. HAHAHA on my cue, ready sing!: MANGARAP KA! MANGARAP KA!!  SO, now you know. 

There. that ends mu post today on my SC, I hope you all have a great Sunday today! And loads of good vibes for this week! 

P.S. Still raining, time check: 1:32 pm, now playing: Love Stood Still by MYMP. Time to watch the replays of everything I missed yesterday! Ta ta!!