UP SIDE DOWN

on what? wait. i honestly don't have any idea on where to start this post. hmm. wait. i was about to share something about my internship then a thought suddenly passed by my mind, so allow me to just share everything   that's been happening in my world for the past couple of months.

March. i remember blogging about how i survived hell year, which practically was my 3rd year. i guess every one knows or at least had an idea on how struggling life in third year could be. even I, for myself can not believe the loads i had to carry during those times and until now, believe me when I say that I can't imagine myself going back to that moment again. and then there, i give credits to God who did not leave me though i would have given up so many times but he held me up and backed me up instead. 

Enough for that 3rd year life, forgot my title? hahahaha oh yes. a notch higher. but in what way? here's the continuation. 

APRIL - A BREATHER.

 I had basically a great summer, though I practically spent it just by staying at home with my great family. yes. great. it might be kj for some but going out and spending time somewhere instead isn't really my thing. but don't get me wrong, I am not a loner, a homebody, yes.

It's not the perfect 30-day rest that I had since I went to Manila for a couple of times to fix some things regarding my internship and other stuffs concerning it. Aside from that, you'd find me at my grandparents' house, spending time with my cousins whom I rarely see because we're all busy with school and summer is our only time to get together and catch up non-stop. well besides that, you'll see me at home, doing some adik-things and stuff. hahahaha. [only my close friends understand this]

I can barely remember a single day-out that I had during this month. oh, I had two pala. One with my sister, when we dicided to watch Titanic 3D, but ended up on Moron5 since Titanic was no longer showing that time. yeah. we were kind of a loser. hahahhaa. then, as we were having our late lunch, we accidentally bumped into one of my girlfriends, EY. we did a few minute-chat before my sister and I decided to leave. The other day-out that I had was very unplanned.  It was a chill-out day, typical one for me and my sister was at home too. I happened to be online and my other girlfriend, Mabel tweeted me to go to this restaurant nearby because EY and she would have some hang out and they wanted me to be there as well. It made me crazy since I can not think of any reason to refuse the invitation and I don't wanna give them some lame reason for refusing. hahahaha. So, I instantly texted my mom if she could allow me and let me bring my sister with me and she said yes=) So we met up at the resto and had some chit chats for few minutes and headed to another resto-like place afterwards. we ate halo halo and some few hours of small talks and revelations. 

And it ended my April. Boring for some, but it was just what I needed. swear. 

MAY- CRAZIER THAN WHAT I EXPECTED.

 who would have thought that my birthday month would be a ride of roller coaster instead of just pure happiness and positive ideas. Well it sort of concerned my internship, which I really didn't welcome not because I know that it's tiring but because it's just too soon and I didn't want to end my summer yet. I can't do anything about it though. hahahha. So the first week was sort of new to me and my feelings about it was plain. not even excited. #sokjofme Going back to my dorm was like a stab on my chest. yes, masakit talaga. i used to hate the idea of me, staying there during May when everybody else is enjoying their summer with their fam, but Mabel, who apparently was having her OJT made it easier for me since I would have some company during my first 2 weeks=) It made me thankful enough. =)

Then May7 came, a day before my birthday. It was a Monday when I decided to go home since it was my off,  and visit my lolo who was confined that time due to some kidney problems. I arrived at around 1pm and greeted him as I walked into his room. To my surprise, he remembered that it's my bithday tomorrow, so he greeted me. I was so happy. few minutes after our catching up, I noticed that he loves wearing the cap that I gave him which was part of my PE uniform in 2nd year. He asked me to keep it beside him when he sleeps or at least always near him. I found weird though, at first but I followed him. After a few minutes again, he started complaining about his breathing that he was tired and palpitating and his heart beat has crazy patterns. He even told us that someone was running after him, but we, (my 2 sibs, my tita and me) decided to ignore him, for we knew what he meant.

 I really don't want to elaborate much about this. Everything happened so fast, so sudden and we were all stunned when we learned that my lolo has come to his rest. yes, he died. on the day before my birthday. I was shocked for a   moment. I can not see things clearly since my eyes started to be flooded with tears and every thing that I looked at seemed to be blurred. I can not fathom how exactly I felt during those times. It was like I got hit by a lightning and suddenly collapsed. I can not feel anything. His death did not sink into me at that moment. but one thing is for sure, the numbness I felt was due to overflowing pain that was inside me. I felt like I was stabbed on my my chest a thousand times. the pain was unbearable. 

I knew that i had to move. i had to get going. but i did not know how. i did not know anything since it was my first time to experience such. it was something strange. I then received a lot of messages from friends and relatives, some are birthday greetings and the others are sending their condolences. I knew it was real, and i had to accept it. i have to be strong. I knew it. 

Then my brain began to function again. I thought of the things that I had to do and tried to accept things as they happen. and I know that somehow, somewhere, he'll be smiling down on us.

on a lighter note, my birthday came. I celebrated it earlier dung our Sunday duty which happened to be our first 24-hour shift. My co-interns surprised me with a cake which we ate afterwards=) It was unexpected and I was surprised, really. happiness was with me those times. 

The second celebration was again unexpected. I went back to my duty the day after my lolo died, though I spent the night on his wake. So, as I entered the hospital, they greeted me and I could barely smile at them to hide the pain in me. They eventually knew what happened and I got those comforting messages which made my heart feel lighter. 

 It was 6pm and I was about to have my DTR signed to finally go back to dorm and have some rest when one of my girls from other hospital texted me that they'll (with other friends) wait for me at the lobby of the hospital. I knew that they were actually about to invite me for some hang outs since it was my birthday. I would love that idea except that I had no enough money with me that time. I only brought just enough for me to get back to my dorm. hahahaha. 

I was walking through hallway and I accidentally saw them panicking on my presence because they were planning to surprise me. hahahaha. what a scene. cute. I saw them, Didi, Kim, Dane and Vyka, holding cake, bouquet of flowers and presents for me. I tried my best to set my composure and keep calm, but I just melted. I was not expecting anything. text messages are enough for me, at least they remembered my birthday, but that surprise, ugh! memorable. i never saw that coming. it was priceless. 

Just as i was about to smile, the thought of sudden death of my lolo passed through my mind and brought me pain just again. I was a bit hesitant of enjoying the night with my friends but they made me realize that i should not dwell on the pain because they knew that my lolo won't love to see my sad. Grabe. the night was great, but I was so guilty because i spent nothing. we ate dine out at Pancake House, ate cake, I received presents but I DID NOT SPEND A SINGLE PESO. they all paid for me. I was so touched. overwhelmed. no. i can never thank the Lord enough for sending me these gorgeous angels. At the end of the day, I though to myself, I must have done something good in my life to deserve these gifts. 

On the 11th, I went back to Batangas for the funeral of my lolo. the pain began to creep through me again as I watched the living room of their house slowly getting crowded. When the final prayers were recited, I saw some of my relatives cried, I tried to hold back my tears, so as to keep myself silent and calm. When they were about to bring the coffin out of the house, that was the moment when my tears rolled down my cheeks endlessly. the pain was excruciating. But we got no choice but to let them. Saying our final goodbye was never easy. we were all in tears and pain was filling our system. I did not even know how I get to survive each day. 

The days after the funeral were sort of new and adjustments have to be done. I spent several nights at my lola's house trying to make her feel better. Together with my cousins, we would talk to her at night and sleep beside her on their bed. She somehow coped up pretty well and we're just thankful and happy for her. Until now, we're still on the process of healing and somehow, we know that wherever our lolo is, he feels happier and is now watching over us, smiling. 

Oh well. So many things happened in 1 month. And life must go on. 

Thank you, Lord! Another pound of strength and patience was the best gift. 

All glory be to YOU!