throwback thursday

For when moments like this arise, I only cling to one thought: "Don't be sad that it's over, but, be glad that it happened."

I use to miss our phone calls that would last an hour or two, random hangouts and so on... but I guess that has to be the maximum potential of what we had. Maybe we were never meant to get into that deeper relationship and serious commitment simply because our feelings were not enough. We might have denied or tried to conceal everything but our actions seem different. In any ways, I would never have wanted it differently. It may not have been worth pursuing, but it was definitely worth remembering.

the confession

Hi finally after a lifetime, I am able to get back here! It's been such a roller coaster ride for these past few months and I am finally ready to share everything and let it all out!

First of all, I am still quite not sure if I am fully well emotionally now, but I am certain that I feel way better than I used to several weeks ago.

I fell in love to a friend, whom I thought was ready to take the plunge with me, but I guess, I failed to follow my own advice, to not assume unless otherwise stated." E umasa e. Nagexpect. Nag assume. Ayun, nasaktan. Bigtime.

He was a friend (I think and hope, he still is) and then we got close and from there, I fell. To make the story short, my feelings deepened through the friendship. It was a confusing relationship I guess. Something new to me. All the while I thought all the late night conversations, hangouts and messages would turn into something more serious and direct commitment. But I guess, I was wrong. Everything just fade into a blur.

Everything went so fast, I can't get by. Ambilis ng mga pangyayari. I saw him with his new prospect. Once, then twice then almost everyday. I was left confused. It was strange at first. And then reality hit me hard right in my face. He's just not that into me. And then it was no longer shock, but hurt. There was pain. Indescribable. I thought kaya ko maskip yung hurt na phase, but I did not. The hardest part was to act normal in front of him and make everything less awkward and usual as possible. Grabe the effort I had to put everyday to get through the almost 9-hour hell in school.

Then I realized, if there's still something left of me to save, that's my pride. So I went on with my new mantra, "Fake it 'til you make it" and Lo and behold, I slowly felt a bit better each day. There's some tips that I had to try to work for me to be able to move on a bit quicker with lesser drama, like reverse bittering and sweet revenge. hehe nagiinarte. but yeah, I think they worked. ;)

As of the moment, yes, I'm pretty good. Yes, I still wonder why things turned out this way, or why he'd suddenly changed, but I'm good now and that's more important. If given the chance to know why that guy had to be that asshole, I wish to have the patience and temperance to not kick him in the ass. joke. :)

new year2015

hello! i have a confession to make. soon ❤️❤️❤️

question.

what the hell is happening? What is this I'm feeling? it's not supposed to be here. no. Never again. 

breathe in breathe out

you should know how hard it is for me to take all these things at once.

you should know how painful it is to read every article about you

you should know how confusing everything seems right now

you should know how barely I could take the next things to come without shedding a single drop of tear

you have no idea how I struggle to survive each day thinking about you

you have no idea how I hate to be affected but I am

you have no idea how difficult it was and still is for me to not think about you

you have no idea how long this suffering has been and I still can't stop

you don't seem to understand what is going on

you don't seem to worry on what you might lose

you don't seem to feel the pain

because even from the start,

you have never seem to care at all.

so much feels.

to hell and beyond

here's a post to all those talkshits out there. to those who make promises and just break them. i hope karma strikes back at you before you know it. 😶😶😶